It seems an opportune moment both to launch our annual appeal and to reaffirm our commitment to the ongoing campaign to replace Christmas with an all encompassing non-denominational twelve day mid-winter festival: Winterval. But back to The Sleaze‘s annual appeal. Taking a cue from that 2007 Blue Peter Christmas appeal which asked its viewers to send in unwanted CDs and DVDs, which were sold to raise money for Barnardo’s young carers throughout the UK, I’m going to ask my readers to send me in their DVDs. You know the ones I mean – the ones you can’t possibly send in to a kids’ TV appeal. The ones which have suddenly become too hot to have around the house now your girlfriend has moved in, the ones your mother nearly found when she was cleaning your room the other day. Those DVDs. So, instead of sending them to Blue Peter in hope of embarrassing Konnie Huq, as many of you did back in 2007, send them to The Sleaze.
Whilst there is no way that there was ever going to be a Blue Peter market stall featuring the likes of Zoe Salmon trying to flog stuff like Anal Asian and All Hands on Dick 2: Das Butt to viewers’ older brothers and pervy uncles, I can promise you that your prized wanking aids will go to a good home where they will be lovingly cared for. Whilst any donations to The Sleaze won’t be used to raise money for good causes, they will make an old git very happy. Hopefully, this appeal will be as successful as last year’s in which, also inspired by Blue Peter appeals of the past, we asked you to send in tin foil milk bottle tops and wrappers so that we could make rude sculptures out of them. Ultimately, rather than squander your magnificent efforts on a series of small shiny silver penises that only we at The Sleaze editorial office would see, we instead fashioned a huge model of Jennifer Lopez’s buttocks, which we proudly put on display in Crapchester town centre, as our contribution to the municipal Christmas decorations. Sadly, they were immediately impounded by the police, on the orders of the local Chief Superintendent, who apparently still strokes them daily in his office. Because we’re all puerile and smut-obsessed at The Sleaze, the totaliser for this year’s appeal will, of course, be in the shape of a huge cock and balls. When our arbitrary total has been reached, the bell end will explosively ejaculate huge amounts of foam.
Just to be clear, we don’t want any DVDs classified less than 18. No Disney, no musicals, no Schwarzenegger or Stallone. By now you should know my tastes – classic porn is welcome, as is any hot girl-on-girl action. I also don’t mind a bit of mild bondage, but I’m afraid gay porn isn’t really my bag, (although our correspondent Professor Jerry Mire will probably gratefully accept any such DVDs). I also have to admit that I find those girls with the really huge knockers a bit of a turn off – natural and modestly sized preferred. So, if you have anything which falls into these categories, please feel free to send them to:
The Sleaze Annual Appeal
3, The Bladders,
And remember – I still have a functioning VCR, so I’m happy to accept tapes (VHS only, both NTSC and PAL) as well as DVDs. Give generously.