As Governor Schwarzenegger prepares to send the California National Guard into San Francisco to restore civil order in the face of thousands of rampaging gay men, emboldened by the city’s recent sanctioning of gay marriages, terrorising the heterosexual community by criticising their curtains, a new book reveals that fears over the threat posed by homosexuality to the US is not a new phenomena. In I Was a Homosexual For The FBI, former Special Agent Dan Capon chronicles how he donned the black leather cap and droopy moustache to penetrate the sinister ‘Pink Menace’ which was threatening to undermine American values. According to the retired Fed, from the 1950s onwards, the FBI was as much concerned with brown-hatters in the closets as it was Reds under the beds. “The bastards were hell-bent on subverting our greatest institutions – including Congress, the State Department and even the military – to their filthy ways by seducing and ‘turning’ leading figures within them! It got so no man’s butt was safe,” claims an outraged Capon. “Howard Hughes was so worried about being buggered, he locked himself away for the next forty years!”

Hughes’ fears were well founded – as the owner of RKO Films he was a prime target for the gay conspiracy. “Penetrating the film industry was vital for them if they were to disseminate their perverted world view to the unsuspecting American people,” says Capon. “In fact, it was their pernicious influence on the movies which originally tipped us off as to the existence of their conspiracy. At first it was pretty subtle – all that male bonding in cowboy movies, and the casting of butch women like Lauren Bacall as the heroine – but then we started getting Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis dressing up as dames in Some Like It Hot! And Marilyn Monroe falls for Tony when he’s in drag – sheesh! Blatant or what?” But the most audacious plan on the part of the ‘Cack-Pipe Conspirators’ was the seduction of ‘The Duke’, John Wayne – the epitome of American manhood. According to Capon at least three attempts on Wayne’s sexuality were made by closet homosexuals working in the film industry. The first of these attempts involved a suspect make-up artist working on Red River in 1948 made an unsuspecting Wayne up with rouged cheeks, eyeliners and lipstick, in the hope that co-star Montgomery Clift would attempt to get off with him. “This was obviously the work of a lone homo acting opportunistically, rather than as part of a conspiracy,” opines Capon. “Luckily, although clearly aroused, Clift didn’t want to blow his own cover – it would have wrecked his career.”

The next attempt by the pirates of men’s underpants to board ‘The Duke’ from ‘aft of the wheelhouse’, was far more serious. “An underground Hollywood homo cell – believed to include Charles Laughton, James Dean and Rock Hudson – actually succeeded in drugging and kidnapping ‘The Duke’ in 1953 while he was shooting Hondo in Mexico,” explains Capon. However, thanks largely to Capon’s daring undercover work, ‘The Duke’ was quickly discovered unconscious in the backroom of a sleazy Tijuana club notorious for its drag queens, his head in an underage rent-boy’s lap and his pants around his ankles. “Luckily I was in there propositioning a vacationing high-ranking Los Angeles police officer for a blow-job – there’d been reports he was sexually suspect and had been picking up Mexican boys for sex, so I was sent to test his masculinity – when I saw them bring Wayne in. He was obviously drugged and had to be supported by two burly drag queens,” claims Capon, who believes the plan was to photograph the ‘initiation’ of the drugged cowboy star for gay propaganda purposes. “Photographs showing ‘The Duke’ taking it up the jacksie would have been dynamite – they could have lead to a whole generation of his fans turning gay!”

The ex-FBI man remains confident that Wayne was rescued with his arse intact, despite rumours to the contrary: “Hell, there’s no truth to the story that he only started walking like he had a poker up his arse after the Tijuana incident!” The tables were turned when a third and final attempt was made on Wayne’s keister, with ‘The Duke’ laying a cunning trap for the undercover homos. “Big John let it be known in certain circles that he actually had been turned in Mexico, and a group of influential pinkoes were subsequently turned up at his house. They were greeted by Wayne wearing a cocktail dress! Lulled into a false sense of security, they entered, only to find themselves jumped by a bunch of red-blooded hetero stuntman pals of John,” explains Capon. “They were tied up and subjected to a terrifying ordeal, forced to watch straight porno films whilst John and the stuntmen tantalised them by dancing about naked, waving their johnsons in the queers’ faces! At least, that’s the way I heard it!” Wayne consequently became an undercover operative for the FBI, installing two-way mirrors and hidden cameras in the guest bedrooms at his house and inviting various suspect stars around to record their antics.

For a while it looked as if the whole Hollywood homosexuality issue had been laid to rest by Senator Joe McCarthy and the House Un-American Activities Committee’s thorough investigation into the matter during the 1950s. “Of course, they told the public it was about communism, so as to prevent widespread panic. But trust me it was really about flushing the homos out of the closet,” confides Capon. Scores of top motion picture figures found themselves called to testify before the committee as to their sexual preferences. “Careers were broken – Lionel Stander was forced to flee to Italy after photos of him unwisely sporting a fluffy pink angora sweater were produced at the hearings, and Charlie Chaplin, Boris Karloff and Basil Rathbone were all suspect because of their fruity English accents,” recalls Capon. “Even Laurel and Hardy found themselves called on account of the number of times they shared a bed in their films – Oliver Hardy suffered a fatal heart attack and Stan Laurel became a recluse as a result!” Many actors, directors and writers subsequently found themselves on McCarthy’s infamous ‘Lavender List’ of blacklisted personnel. No longer able to work in Hollywood, many fled to Europe. “That was kind of apt, as we had no doubt that the scourge of homosexuality had originally come from Europe, brought back by young soldiers who had been exposed to continental depravity,” opines the ex-FBI man. “I can categorically state that there was no homosexuality in America before 1945! Men could freely comment on eacother’s bodies and athletic prowess in a purely platonic way without risking the taint of queerness!”

However, it soon became clear that the gay menace was far more widespread than at first suspected, undermining even the McCarthy hearings. “They got to McCarthy himself via Ray Cohn,” says Capon, referring to McCarthy’s lawyer, who subsequently died of AIDS. “Hell, they didn’t call him ‘Tailgunner Joe’ for nothing! Poor sap eventually died of a broken arse, he took it from behind so often!” Things were to get even worse; whilst working undercover as a male prostitute in the late 1960s, Capon woke up one morning to find his cross-dressing client of the night before curiously familiar. “The bastards had even got to J Edgar Hoover! Jesus, I gave the head of the FBI a blow-job and a facial,” Capon – who broke cover and resigned from the FBI as a result – recalls with a shudder. “I’m just glad that we’ve finally got a President who isn’t afraid to take these homos on and expose the threat to American values posed by the degenerate bastards!”