One of Britain’s top conspiracy theorists is reeling from the revelation that he might not actually exist. “I was first alerted to the fact that I could be some kind of false flag operation when people started pointing out that my profile picture on Facebook looks a lot like an actor who has played minor roles in a number of films and television soap operas,” Kevin Spline told Practical Conspiracies magazine. “It’s all rather disturbing, raising the possibility that I’ve been living a lie my entire life!” Spline has conducted an extensive and highly scientific analysis of pictures of both himself and the soap actor, which has led him to a disturbing conclusion. “There’s no doubt that our pictures look very similar when you put them side-by-side,” he told the magazine. “The obvious differences – like a differently shaped nose, differing hair lines and eye colour, for instance – can easily be explained by plastic surgery or wigs. It was the same when I did a physical comparison – his body stats are very similar to mine. Discrepancies like the four inch difference in height could be down to the use of lifts in my shoes when I’m ‘him’.” The conspiracy theorist is now entertaining the idea that he might actually be a fake personality created for a deep cover establishment agent. “Everything I remember could be false – implanted into my mind by ‘them’.” he ruminated. “After all, wouldn’t the ultimate deep cover agent be one that actually believed that he was his cover story and carried out his masters’ bidding completely unwittingly, believing that he was actually undermining ‘them’?”
The more Spline researched this theory, the more convinced he became that he and the actor were one and the same person. “I’ve found out that this actor has no credited roles after 2005 and that he currently has no agent or contact address,” he confided to Practical Conspiracies. “Incredibly, I could find no mentions of myself either in conspiracy magazines or online before 2006! Surely that’s too much to be coincidence? Moreover, any relatives who could confirm my existence before 2006 – parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts – are all conveniently dead!” All of Spline’s attempts to verify his past have hit dead ends, with school teachers retired and untraceable and childhood friends who have mysteriously emigrated. “Everything leads back to 2006.” he mused. “Which, I distinctly remember, was the year I first got interested in conspiracy theories, when I stumbled across the 1966 conspiracy to replace Paul McCartney with a double. It really opened my eyes to the global Jewish conspiracy – Brian Epstein was behind the McCartney business, he faked his own death so as to better manipulate things from behind the scenes. By replacing the Beatles’ main songwriter with a Zionist doppelganger they hoped to brainwash Britain’s youth into supporting Israel. Believe me, it’s no coincidence that the only two surviving Beatles are the Kosher McCartney, (the Rolling Stones’ Brian Jones was murdered to stop him telling anyone that he’d seen the fake McCartney naked and noted that he was circumcised, by the way), and Ringo Starr, who’s obviously Jewish – just look at that conk of his!”
The question now facing the conspiracy theorist is whether he has never actually existed and is an entirely false persona created as a cover for an establishment agent, or that there was once a real Kevin Spline who has been eliminated (like the real Paul McCartney) and whose memories and identity he has been given. “I’m reluctantly coming to the conclusion that I’ve never existed and that I’m just a part of the conspiracy myself,” he opined. “Believe me, it’s quite devastating, realising that your whole life and belief system has been a lie. That said, on the bright side, it does mean that I’ve uncovered a real conspiracy centred around me!” Spline rose to fame in the conspiracy community through his exposures of various news stories as actually being fake, staged by the world’s ruling elites to divert public attention away from the real truths – that global events are being manipulated by a cabal of Zionist bankers. Most recently, he caused controversy when he claimed that a major road accident which had attracted widespread media attention had been faked. “It was in the papers as far away as Worcester and Yeovil – but the fact is that the bicycle crash in Newbury was staged – just like the refuse lorry crash in Glasgow and that recent one in Bath,” he told followers of his blog. “Those four people who were supposedly injured when that teenager’s bike went into that bus queue never existed. I’ve checked and none of them had a Facebook or Twitter account – not even the eighty year old lady who supposedly had her ankle broken – how likely is that nowadays?”
At the time, he believed that the accident had been staged to divert attention from the acquisition of a prime centre commercial site in Newbury by a prominent local Jewish businessman. Now he isn’t so sure. “Perhaps it was just an accident, which I was tasked to exploit by ‘them’ to try and discredit the Jews,” he told Practical Conspiracies. “Maybe there is no Jewish conspiracy – it’s just a myth designed to divert attention from the real conspiracy. Which is possibly run by the Illuminati.” However, Spline suspects that the conspiracy of which he is a product is actually a double bluff. “It could be that I’ve been created as a channel of anti-Jewish disinformation so bizarre that nobody will believe it,” he claimed. “Thereby discrediting those postulating the Jewish conspiracy which, in turn would allow the Zionist puppet masters to continue manipulating events without fear of discovery as no one would believe that they existed!” Spline points to his widely ridiculed claim that World War Two had been misrepresented and that the victorious Allies, rather than the defeated Nazis, were the villains, alleging that the Allied wartime leaders were child murdering puppets of an international Jewish conspiracy (see Right is Wrong), as an example of the kind of disinformation he has unwittingly peddling.
“Such a claim – although actually the secret truth – is bound to sound insane and offensive when disseminated through conspiracy websites by a hairdresser and amateur conspiracy theorist,” he opined. “It will automatically generate sympathy for the Jews whilst also alienating liberal intellectuals from the hidden true history of the world!” Spline’s claims have been dismissed by the wider conspiracy community as the demented ravings of a madman, with the consensus of opinion being that he is in the throes of a nervous breakdown following his recent well-publicised marital difficulties. He has, naturally, rejected these allegations, claiming that they are part of a conspiracy to try and discredit him and divert attention from the true conspiracy he has uncovered. He has also denied assaulting his wife, on the grounds that she isn’t actually his wife but an actress posing as his wife as part of his false identity. Similarly, he is also denying any knowledge of the child pornography allegedly found by police on his laptop, claiming that it was actually downloaded by his alter ego, the actor.